I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
