i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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