You just made me feel so damn special
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
