Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
honey bunches of taint.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
