There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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