she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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