Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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