I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
