I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
