i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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