He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
