I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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