i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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