neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
