the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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