from now on my penis is your penis
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
