come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize