girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
