o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
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