Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
