Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
