i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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