so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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