Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
