I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
