Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
