smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
someone owes me an orgasm
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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