happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
