I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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