i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
