i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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