he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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