I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
