The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
