i'm lost and i look like a hooker
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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