if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
