I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
