some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
