i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
