His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
