Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
