New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
