its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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