ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
