I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
