Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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