Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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