Michael Bay diarrhea
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
