There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
