i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
