she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
