barbara walters just said penis...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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