break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
