Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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