Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
