wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
