my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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