I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My liver just had a heart attack.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
