My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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