my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
