i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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