Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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