I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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