dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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