and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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