I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
