Operation Purity has been aborted
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize