he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
