everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize