..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
