So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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