Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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