We won't sleep together?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
