I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
