I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
