she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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