you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
