Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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