i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize