I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
why do cheetos always look like penises
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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