he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i now understand why vodka
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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