i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
