im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
