Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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