That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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